Dressing Hoss

I remember a morning when I was still in the hospital, I had just got out of the shower and was getting ready for the day.  Channing had been out running a errand that morning and he came back in with tears in his eyes. I asked what the matter was.  He had just seen the guy from the mortuary there to pick up Hoss.  It was kind of a surreal moment for me.  I had all sorts of emotions come over me.  Chan and I hugged and cried together.  I am so grateful that through this whole experience Channing and I have grown closer and stronger together as well as individually.  I was very hesitant to go to the funeral home to dress Hoss in the clothes he would be buried in.  I hadn't seen Hoss since I held him the day he died and I wasn't sure what to expect.  A have a good friend that I met through this journey, she also lost a little girl with Anencephaly, she came and saw me in the hospital.  I told her how I was hesitant of going.  She told me to go because it was a very sacred experience and I would regret not going.  The day after I got home from the hospital, Channing and I went down to the funeral home as well as both of our moms.  As I walked into the room where Hoss was laying on the table I could feel his presence there with us.  Although his little body lay there cold and stiff, he looked perfect!

 I started to dress him in his little suit that was way to big for him, but at the same time it looked so cute on him.  I put his little boots on him and they fit perfect!  We put the blanket that Chan's grandma crocheted for him in the bottom of the casket.  We were nervous because Hoss was 17in when he was born and the casket was only 16in long.  As I picked him up and put him in there, he couldn't have fit any better!  I am so grateful for my friend who told me to go be with him one last time.  I am so thankful I did this and will never forget the feeling that was felt that day.  It was good closure for me to be with Hoss.  I got to hold and kiss his cute, chubby, perfect hands one last time.  I kissed him on the cheeks and told him how much I loved him.